everybody's working for the weekend

i have a messy desk at work. so what.

i just smile

thank god for those who save me. it makes me feel like life isn't so expendable. hey, i need to go to the eye doctor. maybe i could go tomorrow. i feel self conscious in my glasses, because when i got the lenses i needed them right away so they gave me what seems like the thickest pair. but the only good thing about them is that i feel like a librarian in them. ha, random.

i've got my best shoes on

so i wrote some resolutions.
and seeing how i'm usually ready at the foot of my own defeat, i am very pleased to say that two resolutions have thick red checks next to them. for once i'm not just telling myself what i need to do, i'm actually doing it. this sense of accomplishment isn't so bad.

even though i've been keeping myself busy, i feel very sluggish, both physically and emotionally. i wish there was some quick remedy to cure the little things that bother you so you could go on about your business. there is a specific thing that has been bothering me for awhile lately and as much as i want to be able to talk about it freely, without any reserve, i know that it's best to leave it in its ambiguity. i'm bothered but not devastated. from now on though, i'm never going to hold reservations or question what my instincts tell me. instincts are one of the only things we possess that is natural and from ourselves. people can influence your actions and your decisions but your instinct, your gut feeling, is you and you alone. i do however need a hug. haha.

i've become an insufferable homebody. i upgraded my netflix to 4 unlimited dvd's and now spend the majority of my nights in my room, bose earphones on, enjoying some new film i've always heard about but never saw. i have to mention the last three i saw which are polish director Krzysytof Kieslowski's Trois Couleurs: Bleu, Blanc et Rouge. such an amazing trilogy based on the the colors of the french flag and their meaning, liberty, equality, and fraternity. crafted so subtly and yet utterly familiar. i was completely immersed in the lives of the characters and their stories, their struggle. i loved how their storied intertwined throughout the trilogy and how fate brought them all together. my favorite, by far, was Rouge. i LOVED everything about irene jacob's character. after seeing a film like this, i just feel like i absorbed so much about the human condition and life outside the bubbles we so insufferably protect. films like this is why i love film to begin with.

i came to check a download and ended up writing a novel. <3<3<3